Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
