I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
