so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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