Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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