There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
