Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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