Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
