I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize