this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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