The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize