you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
