my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're like the curious george of whores
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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