Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
