took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
