I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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