Sponge bath it is.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize