Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
