last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
