Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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