Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
