There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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