just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
