Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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