i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
