awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
