i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize