I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
