If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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