I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
