____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
