well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
