dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am naked and annoyed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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