Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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