Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
