The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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