I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
