Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
