im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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