my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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