I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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