I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
