I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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