What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize