When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
