i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
