Dual....:-)
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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