I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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