Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
