Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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