That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
