AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
two words: eviction party
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
