You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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