I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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