I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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