When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize