sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
