decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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