I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
