Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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