Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
