dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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