I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
