Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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