Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
People with herpes should wear stickers.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
