with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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