I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
