Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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