her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wear drunk well.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
