Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
