Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize