you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
